This week on New Girl, Winston is holding an upsetting event at the bar — the one year anniversary of Furguson’s death. (NOOOO!) The event is so big that Jess’s sexy doctor ex Sam shows up, wearing a cat shirt (even though Winston is more into fish shirts than bird shirts these days) and Coach appears. The event will have Furguson tributes, and each friend will speak 20 minutes over their love of the special guy.

The event makes Cece and Schmidt talk about passing, and Cece admits she’d take maybe three years to remarry. Schmidt gets upset that it’s less than one presidential term.

While Jess is carefully carving an extra “s” out of Ferguson’s special cake (oh, Carvel) she notes to Cece that Nick and Coach are quarreling. While not the reason they’re fighting, Nick thinks Paul Blart should be called “Paul Blop Mall Cop,” as it rhymes. Coach argues that it’s not an actual name.

So, Uh. What’s This About?

The reason they’re fighting?  Money. It turns out that Coach owes Nick quite a bit of money. Strange, as the roles have reversed. Ladies and gentleman, this is why I never believe in friendly loans.

LAPD So La Ti Do performs a special tribute to “whiskering faces,” which is…  a nice touch. It’s a song set to “Mad World,” but in cat form. Hence… cat world.

Turns out that Nick lent Coach money for a restaurant called “Coach’s Jim,” kind of like a “Ruth’s Chris” situation. But that didn’t pan out, and Nick never saw his money again. Nick doesn’t want to keep any secrets from Jess, which is why she’s telling her all this. Jess admits there’s one skeleton she has. And that is… she killed Furguson.

Nick’s eyes bulge at the news. It’s pretty damn big, after all.

With that information in his back pocket, Jess and Nick try to perform a poem for him. Nick stays quiet trying to process the news but then blurts it out in the microphone. Jess explains.

She spilled a bowl of purple glitter while catsitting, and Furguson took a bite. As a wonderful distraction this awful crafty news, next up to pay an ode to our fave feline is Robby (!!)  doing a body-suited interpretation as a red laser dot that Furguson loved.

While Jess saw a cat psychic about it, Winston says that Furguson died of a heart attack. Glitter wasn’t involved. Winston was toasting a bagel, and Furguson was watching. And then, he got a look on his face and stepped back a little. And at that moment, Winston knew something was wrong. “And that was it,” he says. “He was gone. Oh! And then the bagel was burning.”

Then, Winston goes a bit batty. He suddenly hears a cat in the room that needs him. This is like that weird stabbing moment last week. Things are really good and then take a weird-ass turn.

Nick and Jess say they’ll look for clues, but it’s mainly an excuse to get away. Nick admits that she thinks it’s kind of hot that Jess kept cat murder a total secret. He didn’t want to tell her about lending Coach money since way back in the day when they first dated, he was so bad with money and didn’t want to scare her off. But this time around, they’re a team!

Setting Records Straight

As for Schmidt and Cece, Cece admits she doesn’t know why she said three years since she doesn’t want to imagine any time without him. Schmidt admits she’d prefer to have her with her new husband at his grave, and gives her permission to move on if he dies.

Coach and Nick sit down and actually talk for once. He says he’d pay another 70k to have his friend back, and Coach says he was a little ashamed. But then he remembers, this is Nick. And he’s seen Nick do some embarrassing things. He pays him 5k in cash (which is strange, as Jess notes) right now to try and make things right.

Winston’s pregnant significant other Aly is notably the rock in the family and lets Winston cry it out about his cat. Furguson was a special flower. And also, those cat noises were fake. Phew. Glad they ended that quickly. But wait, no. There actually is a cat in the bar couch. Wait… what!? No cat can survive that situation. Come on, show!

Then, comedian Tig Notaro stumbles into the bar and says it’s her cat, and they pay her 5k to give it to Winston. And that’s the show. Because, hey — New Girl is going to be wrapped up in a super adorkable way.