When we last left the Teen Moms, Maci was chatting about her PCOS while Catelynn went to rehab after suffering a miscarriage. The last episode was so heartbreaking that I actually miss the days when seasons passed and nothing happened. Right now, everything is happening for the Teen Mom OGs.

Catelynn’s rehab is in Tucson, and the episode starts with Tyler chatting with his mom. Er, his “MAH.” Tyler notes that she felt suicidal before, but the miscarriage news took her over the edge. Tyler is planning on visiting home soon, even though his ideal resort is camping out in the Arizona wilderness.

Tyler’s sister Amber walks in the door with her boyfriend Billy and the kids. She comes baring minion marshmallows, which Tyler isn’t too impressed with. Probably because his sister is kind of a mess. Remember how she didn’t take her kid to the doctor to get his cast off, so they…sawed it off? Oof.

As Tyler’s simply trying to do his own thing and fold Tierra Reign orders (their kids clothing line, if you’re unaware) Billy continues to annoy him. What are these clowns doing in his house anyway?

Back at Amber’s place, her nursery theme is “around the world.” Which is both scattered and cute at the same time. Amber, who you may remember from Marriage Boot Camp, wants her future son to know there’s a whole big world out there.

As for Gary, he gets his DNA test back, and…Jody’s not his biological father. Whoa. Really? “It would be nice to know who is,” Kristina says. “Only mom would know I guess,” Gary says in an upsetting voice. He wants Kristina around when he talks to Jody. Kristina wipes away tears since she knows that Gary really just wants a father in his life. “It’s going to be a hard conversation to have with him,” Gary states.

Maci’s Big Break

In Maci news, she’s heading to Nicaragua since she’s been accepted on the television show Naked And Afraid. Kind of awesome for her, right? She wants to train ahead of time. Tyler asks if she’s excited or nervous, and Maci said she’s anxious for the moment she leaves, and the moment they ask her to take her clothes out. “I’m a super modest person,” Maci admits.

But, now it’s time for the Farrah stuff. There was a disclaimer like, 900 years ago when the show had its last actual episode about how the producers would be talking to Farrah about her participation on Teen Mom. Because Farrah has been really mean to people and also does porn shows. She sits down with Morgan J. Freeman (note the J), who isn’t afraid to talk to her.

Farrah claims she’s compassionate. “I respect a lot of people who respect me,” she says. “Out of nine moms, you’re the only one that’s a problem,” Morgan responds.

Larry also mentions her work in the adult industry. “I have no new celebrity sex tapes out there,” Farrah says, stating that webcam shows and porn are totally different. Then she says she shouldn’t “have to choose anything!” Breaking the wall here to say that my husband managed to walk in the room when this went down and laughed about it throughout the whole commercial break.

Back to chatting about Naked and Afraid. Maci is about to head to training camp. Her first task is to build a fire in 15 minutes. She fails but admittingly gets super close.

Gary’s Paternity Results

Gary reads the letter to Jody, which says there’s a 0% chance of the two being related. “Wow,” Jody responds. Jody notes that there was always a possibility that Gary wasn’t his, but he’ll still be around. “BUT THEY LOOK RELATED, DON’T THEY?” I scream to my husband. He agrees.

Back at Tyler’s house, Tyler is brushing Nova’s hair and it’s kind of adorbs. And I don’t use that word a lot, so I must mean it. I’ve warmed up to Tyler a ton this season, since dude deals with a ton. But, I can honestly say that I don’t care about his family. Especially Billy and Amber. Billy’s wearing a tracker since he’s fresh out of jail. Amber chats about her challenges with Adderall and notes that she’s now off of it since she’s trying to get married and have babies. And Kim’s like, “What?” Since now is totally not the time.

The conversation between Farrah and Morgan comes to a close, but it seems like not much happened — aside from Farrah saying she doesn’t want the “drama.” I guess she’ll be making a decision. It’s a shame that mega fans already know that (spoiler!) she was replaced.

At Amber’s house, she’s picking out colors for the nursery. “Babe” — er, Andrew — is testing out shades of blue. Amber’s in pregnancy pain, so she’s relaxing on a giant sloth. Amber says that now she “knows what to expect” which is kind of not true. Cut to a flashback, where Gary’s wearing the Belden Lineman tee, and Leah’s toddling around. “This is more fun,”  Amber says, noting that “This is what a family’s supposed to be. Loving, not fighting.” I can’t hate on Andrew right now since the two of them genuinely seem happy. At least in comparison to the Matt years.

A Moment With Bentley

Bentley and Maci have an honest discussion about Naked and Afraid, and Bentley says he’s afraid she won’t “make it” and is also afraid that her partner may pass out. Bentley is the best. “I can survive without a man. I promise,” Maci said, reminding Bentley it used to just be the two of them. She reminds him that she’ll be counting on herself, and it’s kind of the best conversation ever. “I promise I’m going to miss you a whole lot more than you’re going to miss me,” she says to him with a smile.

Back to Catelynn’s segment. But since Catelynn is in rehab, it’s Tyler and Amber. And blegghhhh. They’re in the car talking about Billy. Since Amber isn’t a Teen Mom, nor is she deserving of this time on air, I’m not going to even bother recapping the conversation between Amber and Billy about marriage.

The Amber we all care more about is back on, and she’s in bed chatting with Babe about the baby. She seems legit excited about all of this. But, most of Amber’s segments are going towards Gary’s daddy drama. Gary’s mom — who’s rocking some interesting hair — and Jodi are out to eat, and Jodi admits that the paternity test didn’t include the results he wanted. Heartbreaking. Gary notes it’d at least be good to know what his actual dad looked like.

Catelynn can supposedly get texts between 4:30 and 5:30, and she’s already exchanged texts with Kim. “These next 30 days are going to be challenging for yah,” Kim says to Tyler. She admits that he tries to be a lot tougher than he really is, and Tyler responds that it’s been a long week. Maybe give that boy a hug, Kim.

As the only Teen Mom who’s proved she has friends, Maci’s buddies come over to wish her the best before her 14 days in the wilderness. Maci said she’s talked to Jen and Larry about the show, so she’s guessing Ryan knows. And she’s not worried if he wants to see him during her time away, as Taylor has custody of him even if she’s absent. Marriage! They’ll be communicating with Taylor instead of her during her absence. “Eat a lot for me while I’m starving to death,” Maci says to her friend.

Cate Checks In

Luckily, Catelynn decides to FaceTime Tyler — not Kim. And thank goodness, because I think Tyler really needs this right now. Nova is “watching a fishing movie” and is, in general, way better with FaceTime than when we saw her before. Catelynn asks Nova for some pictures, and also wants Tyler to kiss her through the phone. And Tyler then smiles for the first time throughout this whole episode.

After the call, it’s obvious that Nova misses her mom. After starting a lovely drawing, she runs away after hearing she wasn’t available on the phone anymore.

Farrah’s Decision

And now we end with Farrah. She technically quits, saying “There are so many paths for me in my life.” She’s only 26! She says her lawyer will contact them, and uh. Okay. In general, that footage wasn’t worth the wait, but it seems like it was Farrah who made the call. I wish her the best in court.